What's in a Name?

Much to my consternation but not at all to my surprise, Germans struggle with the spelling and pronunciation of my name. "Ayzleenk?", they ask, puzzled expressions on their German faces. "Nope", I reply, "ASCHHHLING, my name is ASCHHHLING".

"Huh. Eshleehhh. Nice name."

If I shook my head and facepalmed each time this happened I would have repetitive strain injury and be wearing a neck brace, so I've settled for nodding, smiling and providing an explanation for the unusual spelling instead. It's not Ashley or Ashlene; yes, I know you met an Ashlene once on a business trip to Illinois but we do not share a name. It's an Irish Gaelic (it is with reluctance that I refer to the Irish language as "Gaelic" but most Germans and indeed all non-Irish people are under the misapprehension that mention of "Irish" refers only to Irish slang; Hiberno-English) name that has no real connection to its Americanised sisters Ashlynn, Ashleen, Ashlene or Ashlee at all. 

I haven't bothered telling anyone that "aisling" is the Irish word for "dream" as I did that once on a school exchange near Cologne in 2009 and I remain emotionally scarred from having had a boy from the class in which I was a guest look at me, nonplussed, and enquire, "so your name is Dream?"

To be honest, I'm stunned that any German correspondence has ever managed to reach me successfully. As if pronunciation difficulties weren't enough to contend with, many Germans are fond of slamming a H slap bang in the middle of my given name, regardless of how many times I spell it out or write it down. I'm used to that though as it frequently happens in Ireland where people should really know better. Moreover, as the name Aisling is so out of the ordinary in these parts an awful lot of people who have never met me in person have made the assumption based on it that I am male. If I had a euro for each time a letter has arrived for me from my rental agency, health insurance company or the human resource department at work addressed to "Mr Aisling Rohan" I could probably afford to buy myself a three course meal somewhere nice. 

Then there are those who have decided that the name Aisling is so ludicrous sounding that nobody would ever name their child that, so they assume that I got the German words for surname and given name mixed up whilst filling in forms and that I am actually called Rohan. This ties in well with the Germans thinking I'm male thing as Rohan is a popular choice of name for the doting parents of new sons in India and Pakistan, I believe. So that's me. Rohan Aisling, the nineteen year old guy from Lahore who's come to Wiesbaden to learn German whilst appearing at all times to be white and a girl. 

I spend so much time concentrating on explaining my unorthodox name to people when I meet them I almost immediately forget theirs or worse, sometimes don't even catch it in the first place, further fuelling the fiery blaze of my social awkwardness and embarrassing moment proneness. It would be, like, TOTALLY easier to just change it to Ashley. Or Gretl.

My landlord in "German person muddles up my first name and surname" shocker

Technischer Krankenkasse in gender gaffe

The absolute bare-faced cheek of this German